137. The Town of Outlaws. Shadow of the Fuuma Clan

Worth watching as a manga-standard episode? Aaaand we're scraping the barrel already.
Worth watching for the lulz? Every time an episode lacks lulz, Shino kicks Akamaru when Kiba isn't looking.

We begin with Jiraiya looking at the Ero-Sennin A-Z, which reviews the top five whorehouses in the area. There's a different coloured star next to each for which kind of disease you're likely to walk away with. He takes Naruto and Sakura to another town to investigate, this one being blue for the clap.

...I would like to know the story behind this.

Jiraiya tells them to go off on their own because they're "too young to have their eyes poisoned." Let's hope they don't google SasuNaru. Or neko boys. Or mpreg. Or nagas. Or fandom's top five things you can do with a kunai. The internet is a dangerous place.


Dave (head filler writer): Right, we're at the beginning of designing new bad guys – a time to introduce cool and original ideas not previously seen in the show. Go!

Filler writer 1: How about an Earth user who swims around in the ground? He's like a shark. Of the dirt.

Dave: Brilliant. Next.

Filler writer 2: Erm, long, metal, squeezing-

Filler writer 3: Spit it out, Number 2!

Filler writer 2: A guy who fights with a giant pair of nutcrackers!

Dave: Gold. Last one, come on team!

[Long pause.]

Filler writer 3: We could always copy the spider guy from the Sasuke Retrieval arc.

Dave: Of course – repetition, the fans love it! Good job everyone, now let's order Chinese!

Filler writer 2: I love you, Dave.

Dave: What?

Filler writer 2: Nothing.



"Young women's skin is the best!" declares Buffalo Jiraiya, as he investigates some prostitutes up close and personal. One tells him she'll lead him to information on the Sound, but instead traps him in an alleyway. He is surrounded by bad guys and pwned with this punishing line – the kids will all be using this one in the playground:


Jiraiya, bitchin' guy that he is, brings it and defeats them by the power of hair. He's obviously been taking lessons from Sasuke, Neji, Oro... why does this show have so many L'Oreal candidates? The gang leader can't think of any yo mama jokes so instead jumps straight into a rasengan. The leader realises he's the shit and the gang bows down in apology. He introduces them as the Fuuma clan and that Orochimaru did them over. We're given a nice little reminder of what he looks like, presumably in case we have the attention span of the five year olds this show is supposedly aimed at (you know, with all the killing and terrorism):

Bat-shit crazy never looked this moisturised.

Back at the ranch, Nova is clutching her shoulder and groaning in pain, so Sakura applies her medical knowledge to announce "This person is injured!" Naruto grins and tells her to take off her top despite it being incredibly obvious she's a girl. Sakura cottons on and kicks Naruto out; when he gets back zomg it's a girl. He then remembers this and I remember why I love this show – random molestation:


Nova, who is also a member of the Fuuma clan, tells us the boring story of her boring country. There's a flash of Kimimaro and she's clearly crushing on her cousin, which, according to some anti-NejiHina sites, makes her an evil space cow or something. Her cousin, Arashi, went with Orochimaru as a clan representative and never came back. Suddenly the ceiling is covered in spiders and a voice rings out:

One is born, and another lives.
One dies, and another wilts.
Kagerou's life is as brief as a day.
For a fleeting moment, you have pity?
His duty is to live in darkness?

Death by poetry? These guys really are evil. The Earth techniques guy creates a whirlpool in the ground and the hut begins to sink. The life of a ninja, eh?

Team members: Naruto, Sakura and Jiraiya
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 1
Number of rasengans: 1 (not by Naruto!)
Next week: Start preparing yourselves for the Last Resort of a Non-Bishie jutsu.