163. Strategist Koumei’s Schemes!

Worth watching as a manga-standard episode? Less interesting than the first.
Worth watching for the lulz? Nope.

Naruto, who let's remember lives in squalor, has a lot of opinions about the lack of fancy in Dumbledore's house. The shock line no one ever thought he'd say:


is only about his surprise that an old guy who looks like he 'runs a dango shop' could be a daimyo's adviser. This, right here, is a waste of a shock line. Neji doesn't pause to lament this, but decides the Noroimusha is someone against the daimyo and Harry admits Snape has been acting suspicious. Which was exactly what was figured out last episode.

Neji wants to meet the daimyo to get the scoop, but a straightforward meet and greet is too much like the last scene. So everyone squats in some reeds. Two herons fly away, which is the universal symbol for a daimyo approaching. Ron parks himself and broods. Then some mallards swim past and that's the cue for a daimyo to stare at a pocket watch. Harry informs us he's lost in the memories of his sister, Hermione. Yeah, I'm making her Hermione so we've got the three main characters, that is just how I roll.

Look, Harry, mate, this isn't actually a friendship. When Ron asks you to get him a Mars Bar because he needs sugar, like now, and you point out he has a Twix, and he says "Yeah, but I'm not feeling a Twix; a Twix would make me violently sick. If you were really my friend, you'd know that!" and then he lobs the Twix at your head and says if you don't hurry he'll throw your parents in prison – that's the time to go and get a real friend. Then give up and go whine about it online. Get an LJ, for goodness' sake.

Neji turns on his murderous-intent-locating-byakugan – an upgrade Specsavers had a deal on the previous weekend – and spies some randomers trying to assassinate Ron. He knows they aren't important because they don't have original character designs. They clearly agree and don't believe messing with three twelve year olds was in the job description, as they run away at the suggestion of a fight. Honestly, ninja these days. Team Cool Guy, Comedic Relief and Token Girl save Ron, but he really likes being the chosen one for a change and says "Pffft friendship, being a daimyo is where it's at." Harry sadfaces, possibly remembering the good old Mars Bar days. Tenten gets a line where she can show off her weapons specialism, which she pounces on like Kiba on flea repellent. The shuriken the pathetic ninja used was from a garrison that Snape just happens to run. Wow it's like the clues are all being placed in a neat little line for our heroes to find.

The Ku Klux Klan updates their look and opts for a stylish purple.

Snape takes a walk that is so long the sun sets. Unfortunately the sun doesn't set on this episode and we still have half of it left. He approaches a storehouse with 'Pure' on the door (still getting KKK vibes here) and the ghost appears. Naruto barges in before anything interesting can happen. It turns into a fight, because that's how all Naruto characters work through their issues; this time Neji sees person inside the armour, yet hitting them directly with two exploding tags does nothing. Spooky thrill or evaporation of logic? YOU BE THE JUDGE. The Noroimusha uses the same kind of shuriken they saw earlier and they're keen to capture him for the answer to this godforsaken mystery. At least Snape has had the sense to leg it. Neji has Naruto use the move that got him during the chuunin exams, which is a nice reuse in my opinion, and then pokes him a lot. Naruto tries to unmask the ghost again, but out comes some purple smoke and green goo. A clue about our villain: they have no sense of complementary colours.


Training Day #3018

Notable successes: Speed creating hand signals has risen by approximately 2.05% since last week.

Failures to be eradicated: During taijutsu fighting, Gai-sensei had a gleam of hope in his eye when he thought he was going to land a blow on me, before I artfully dodged it and shot chakra into his liver.

Goals: Destroy his hope by next Tuesday.

Notes: Gai-sensei's acceptance of ridiculous missions is reaching critical mass. We were taken to a children's water park, where apparently some kind of demon was attacking swimmers. Lee's choice of clothing is unsuited to the wet, what with its tight and shiny structure, and the climate only accentuated these features. I scanned the pools and immediately disclosed there were no demons in the vicinity, yet Gai-sensei insisted we all get in and that it was necessary for him to swim about underwater. He got very excited and stated he'd found the demon, despite my correct assessment that the area was clear, and that it was under Lee. Lee immediately requested orders and was told to stay still while Gai-sensei soothed the beast. He then proceeded to stay underwater for an age. Tired of his antics, I chose to practice a particularly difficult and absorbed jutsu I have been perfecting, though he must have believed himself to be fighting something, what with all the thrashing. Lee was quite paralysed with fear. Eventually Gai-sensei resurfaced and announced I had been correct all along and that there was no demon. An afternoon wasted. When we returned to the training grounds, that female with brown hair was there again. I presume she is some kind of groundskeeper.

Team members: Naruto, Neji and Tenten
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 0! (though we do have a shuriken kage bunshin, you know, to liven things up a bit)
Number of rasengans: 0!
Next week: I'd like to say there'll be something new and refreshing in this arc but...