153. Reach the Heart! Fist of Love

Worth watching as a manga-standard episode? If Naruto can be devoted to ramen canonically, I don't see why Lee can't put his faith in curry. I'm still rooting for this arc not to suck.
Worth watching for the lulz? This is no joke people – if your religion is not majorly focused on curry, then you're probably going to be converted.

We open with the guy who ran off desperately trying to save his friend, but uh-oh the bad guys have shown up. Raiga explains why he's funeral-happy: people are jerks when they're alive, but at a funeral they only remember the good times. I keep imagining this guy partnered with Hidan.


Hidan: Being immortal is fucking awesome.

Raiga: Being alive sucks dick. It's only when you die that people think well of you.

Hidan: Figures I'd get a partner I don't get on with. Guess we'll just have to bitch at each other for the rest of this shitty mission.

Raiga: Let's not be hasty. Why don't we settle this while getting pissed at a bar?

Hidan: Hell yeah! But it'll use up the rest of the money we were given... [side glance] Is that a problem?


Raiga: Not if we can buy one of those long pipes of beer and challenge each other to down it in one go! This will make one of the happy memories I'll have of our time together! [Mutters under breath] _{Before I give you a funeral.}

Hidan: YOU ARE THE BEST PARTNER EVER!


The guy gets sentenced to his own funeral and we discover Raiga has the villagers working in the mines or something, just in case there were a few people at the back who hadn't realised this guy was being established as evil. Raiga watches the funeral and has a chat with the voice in the back of his hood. His henchmen have the worst 'I'm a bad guy' laugh ever, but fortunately Team Gai Plus Naruto have smoke bombs that don't quite do anything but they look cool. The henchmen have the power to Wolverine it up but this does nothing because they are supporting characters.

The last fighter turns out to be Karashi. He is the ambassador for bratty teens/socialists everywhere as he pouts when discovered and defends Raiga's dictatorship ways. What's not to like about this guy? These scenes kept getting interrupted by flashes to the curry shop. A man is about to be buried alive – personally, burned curry is pretty low down on my list of priorities and, more importantly, interest right now. As for what happens next, I’m going to let the following dialogue speak for itself:




But who am I to judge? Dave found a metaphor and he's sticking with it. The fact that Lee has a flashback to a time when he was unconscious is completely irrelevant. Should Karashi ever feel like a change of art style, I have a feeling him and Aizen would get along. Anyway, Karashi has an abrupt change of heart and- Wasn't something important supposed to go here? Hmm. Give me a minute while it comes to me. In the meantime:


[Time to check in on Naruto's epic journey – screw getting Sasuke back, this is about his aim to get 50,000 before the end of NaNo.]

Sakura: Naruto! Have you finished? My love story is complete at 51,244 words. I'm going to mail it to Sasuke. I wrote it in purple pen on pink paper sprayed with perfume to accentuate my love...for writing.

Naruto: Nearly there! Maybe I'll send mine to Sasuke too and the awesomeness will make him come back home.

Sakura: You sound pretty confident.

Naruto: Sure am!

Sakura: What's your story about anyway?

Naruto: It started off about a young boy who is hated by everyone because of the demon rabbit sealed within him, put there by his mother, who died saving the village. He decides to become a pirate, so he goes to pirate school and gets put in a group with this really pretty girl with blue hair and a jerk who comes from a family famous for their powerful hair techniques. Stuff happens to them. But then I ran out of ideas and skipped ahead three years, adding in a group of guys with evil plans.

Sakura: The Akatsuki?

Naruto: Eviller than them! They send the poor, unfortunate, super cool young ninja, er I mean pirates, on pointless swashbuckling missions – painful to do and painful to watch. For no reason at all!

Dave: [From a cave far away-ish.] Plagiarism!

Sakura: Not even for money?

Naruto: No one even makes any money because everyone refuses to read these extra adventures.

Dave: Damnit!

Naruto: Did you hear something?

Sakura: I don't know, Naruto, you think people want to read stories about a loser 'pirate'? You sure they don't want dead people who wave swords around?

Naruto: That's just stupid, Sakura-chan. As soon as I finish it, everyone's gonna know where the awesome is. I sort of ran out of plot before I reached 50,000, so I started writing down everything people were saying around me. Adding in this conversation, I'm nearly there!

Sakura: Oh for the love of- Hand that over, let me see what you've written.

[Sakura takes Naruto's messy, dog-eared scrawl of a manuscript and squints as she tries to read.]

Sakura: There's like three pages here and practically every word is spelt wrong.

Naruto: Just read it and you'll see!

Sakura: Ok weirdo 'Naruto! Have you fin-' blah blah, ok here's a new bit. Ahem. 'Iruka-sensei was in his flat, painting a picture. He said "Iruka can paint a picture – that's just the crazy kind of unexpected thing he does! Tonight, when I've rinsed the brushes properly so they don't dry with paint in and go hard, I'll totally go out to a bar! And I might buy a woman a drink! And we'll try and talk above the sound of the music, except I won't be able to hear her properly because they play it far too loud in establishments nowadays, how anyone doesn't go deaf is beyond me, and she'll say something and I'll ask her to repeat it, and she will, but I still won't have heard so I'll agree anyway and hope that was the right response. We'll get on like a house on fire. I may even walk her home! Hell yeah, alone at night together! I'll make sure she gets in safely and then come home and write in my diary all about my wild and unpredictable life. Ok, nearly finished my flowers in a vase...that will look nice on that wall. Or maybe on that wall there. Hmmm. Or by the window. Wait, is that- is that the man who teaches Naruto? What's his name..." "It's Kakashi!" "Thank you. Kakashi, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THAT TREE WATCHING ME PAINT MY DARK AND DRAMATIC PAINTING?!" "I like to stalk people. It's kind of my thing." "I swear to god I will sue you Kakashi-"'

Naruto: "...and it'll cost 50,000!" [Jumps up and climactic music starts playing.] YES! I did it! I got to 50,000 in my story!

Sakura: ...that isn't...you seriously thought... They trust you with sharp things?!

Iruka: Does no one care that I'm going to take Kakashi to court in what will surely be an interesting and unusual tale?

Sakura: No.


*Snaps fingers* Oh yeah, better save the guy stuck in a coffin. They finally let him out and the ninjas go off to smack Raiga's legs for being a bad man. Raiga does the old hiding in the mist technique and contemplates his urge to buy a big phallic sword, while Lee checks his ninja info cards book.

Thundercats, hooooooooo!

Our heroes might just be fucked.

Team members: Naruto, Lee, Neji and Tenten
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 1
Number of rasengans: 0!
Next week: Except they're not.