168. Burning Pot! Mix it, Stir it and Boil it!

Worth watching as a manga-standard episode? Ninja who have dedicated their lives to cooking? No. Just no.
Worth watching for the lulz? Yes!


Naruto wants a llama and Chouji's accompanying him in a desperate bid for more screen-time. Unfortunately, Ichiraku Ramen is fresh out and *SUPER MEGA ULTRA GASP* not open. Because normal businesses never close.

Ceiling nin are watching you masturbate.

Lolninjas – the more you run a meme into the ground, the funnier it gets. The boys sneak in regardless and find Ramen Man wants to make the perfect new ramen.


Though the sauce is orgasmic, Gordon Ramsey Renji Chouji fails the noodles. All the boy eats are potato chips and barbeque pork, since when did he become a connoisseur? Belatedly, Naruto realises Ayame isn't there... because she's dead! No, wait, kidnapped, that's the one. By – and it pains me to type this – cooking ninja.



Why We Need Ryouri-Nin Part 1: thinking about porn makes you hungry. Why We Need Ryouri-Nin Part 2: we don't. Their way of the ninja centres round producing delicious food suitable for eating on missions to improve performance. Or at least, that's how they justified it to their fathers, who nearly denounced their wussy children. If you want to be a chef, that's fine, just don’t bring down the honourable name of shinobi with your lustings after Jamie Oliver!

Maybe he's born with it...

The head kidnapper has a freaking nose guard attached to his face. How he is supposed to instil terror is beyond me. I imagine his to do list reads as follows: 1) Steal recipe 2) Blow minor things out of proportion 3) Get nose-guard dry-cleaned. Ramen Man won't give him the Sooper Sekrit Recipe of How Not to Suck (pro tip: the special ingredient is STOP BEING FUCKING USELESS NINJA) so Nose Face has a hissy fit and yoinks Ayame. "To a ryori-nin, a recipe is more important than his life!" This is the level of stupidity we are dealing with here. Ramen Man is challenged to a cooking competition or something equally gay to save his kidnapped daughter. Sakura, the voice of reason, suggests the Hokage.

"Then we'd have no filler plot. Stupid bitch."

Ramen Man teaches Naruto, Chouji and Sakura how to make noodles. The deadline is tomorrow and it took him five years to master the art. But of course they can do it in a night, realism be damned! "What matters most in cooking are your feelings!" cries out Chouji. "Skill and experience are not everything!"

False. Case in point.

The day of the contest comes and everyone turns up because nothing more exciting is going on in their lives. Noodle making time and Naruto fucking rasengans the dough. Somewhere, through the winds of space and time, Yondaime is facepalming. He creates a shoddy merchandise knock-off:


igniting Sakura's love for domestic violence and causing her to pound the dough into the ground (which, apparently, is the perfect way to knead). This isn't the first time they've dealt with unlicensed action figures:

Bottom left-hand corner.

Then Chouji supersizes his arms to wrap and pull the dough into noodles ready for cooking. Nose Face makes up a rule that the one who arrived first gets served first, by the honour of the ryou-nin, though what this has to do with honour only Sandaime knows. And he's dead. Exactly one hundred nin (who all look the same yet their design changes every shot) arrived at the same time. Wait a minute, doesn't Naruto have a jutsu- oh you silly filler writers, I was almost worried for a second there!

The day is saved and Linkin Park starts playing in the background as Nose Face sobs there is no use anymore for ryou-nin. (Really?? And no one told you this at the beginning, WHY?) Their flavoursome meals made ninja fat and useless. But it turns out Ramen Man does have the recipe they're after and it's been a misunderstanding due to a play on words... I dunno, I got distracted when they showed a bowl of soup with a pig's trotter poking out. Ayame is returned but she's now a porker. And so the real enemy turns out to be obesity. Ramen Man creates Diet Ramen (and presumably Ramen Zero) which is popular with the girls.


Temari can be seen in the queue, so this is obviously worth travelling three days for and, you know, skipping important missions and stuff. Bonus points for recognising Nova at the back – fucking your cousin sure does make you work up an appetite.

Ramen Man comes out of the back and has a severe case of anorexia. Remember kids:

Obesity = srs bsnss. Anorexia = lulz.

Team members: Naruto, Sakura and Chouji
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 2
Number of rasengans: 1
Next week: Anko's backstory: the truth behind the trench coat.