141. Sakura's Determination

Worth watching as a manga-standard episode? Might as well watch the end, even if parts will look distinctly familiar.
Worth watching for the lulz? Toeing the thin line between lulz and disgust, copious amounts of WTFery to feast on.

Arashi isn't getting any less creepy and Sakura gets to do what she's been waiting for ever since Naruto made lovey eyes at Nova, and that's punch her in the stomach. It looks like Naruto has been clamped and Sakura is about to be too when he saves her. How is he not dead, really:

"It's ok, Sakura, I like taking it from behind. If I was a seme, I'd be dead by now."

Sakura's medical opinion reaches the same conclusion, but Naruto insists it's just a flesh wound. He fights again but Sakura keeps crying about being a hindrance and in doing so is even more of a hindrance. Naruto is experiencing some freaky jutsus in this arc, as Arashi traps him inside a multi-coloured pyramid that makes him taste the rainbow of pain and will slowly constrict until it crushes him. It has to be slow, otherwise there wouldn't be time for Naruto to escape. While Sakura is chanting how there's nothing she can do, Nova runs up and defeats one of her cousins-in-a-cousin with a little stab of a kunai. If only someone had done that earlier! Arashi starts to melt and temporarily regains nice guy consciousness before Clamps takes over and tries to clamp Nova. Sakura jumps to her rescue and says she isn't afraid to die, so Arashi somehow thinks it's a good plan to open the clamps around her head and then just not do anything about it. Naruto reminds Sakura he isn't into necrophilia and would prefer her alive for their wedding, but Arashi isn't having any of it and sets the pyramid to crush mode again. Nova jumps up and slaps Arashi's hand – seriously, does this girl possess invisible super strength? – and the jutsu is broken, allowing Naruto to burst forth, severing Arashi from Clamps and returning him to his previous state of mind. He protects Nova from the flying shrapnel and we get that cousin on cousin action everyone's been waiting for:


Jiraiya appears and frogs them to safety, leaving Arashi to the joys of rock death as the castle collapses and his cousins wail about why he didn't share like a good redneck should. Jiraiya and co leave Nova with the remnants of her clan to rebuild without Orochimaru's influence. The annoying thing about the end of this arc is how Sakura repeats exactly what she already learned at the end of the last arc, down to the 'I will not fail next time' in the hospital scene. Jiraiya and Naruto basically lie to her to make her feel better. However, there is a nice link to show Tsunade taking Sakura on as a student and then Dave goes and over-does it on the emphasis that vitamin filler is essential to our lives:

You keep telling yourself that.


[In an undisclosed location. All that can be divulged is that the room is full of Hello Kitty products. We're talking Hello Kitty potato peelers and Hello Kitty shoe horns and Hello Kitty blackhead removers. It's enough to incapacitate a normal person through nausea.

This room is not filled with normal people.

For one is emerging out of the floor.]

Renge Houshakuji: Ohohohohohohohohoho! To my great delight and joy, it is my pleasure to introduce myself as your new leader, since the last one had an unfortunate accident.

Misa Amane: Misa saw Tyra Banks go behind that door and never come out again. Misa will find her-

[Renge intercepts her and stands covering the door.]

Renge: No one is to go through that door!

Misa: Why?

Renge: Because...anyone who goes in there gets told that gothlolis look horrific and awful and then they hit them with sticks!

Misa: Ooooh, Misa doesn't want to go in there!

Sasuke: Why is there a Hello Kitty spreader bar?! Whatever, why the hell am I here?

Renge: Because everything must include an Uchiha. Everything.

Sasuke: Then why didn't you kidnap Itachi?

Renge: We did. He's over there.

[Points to Itachi in a corner, quite happily browsing the various Hello Kitty sweet dispensers.]

Sasuke: Goddamnit, his one weakness!

Renge: Now where was I-

Mikuru Asahina: U-Uchiha-san, would you like some t-tea?

Sasuke: Why are you dressed like a maid?

Renge: Because it's moe!

Moe Szyslak: Is that why I'm here?

Renge: Get back under that blanket! We are very disappointed with you! As soon as this meeting is over, I will find the right authorities and complain to them about your false advertising!

Moe: Course the pretty girls wouldn't want to look at a gargoyle like me. Still, this isn't so bad, better than that time I stuck my head in the oven. Wait. The bar – there's no one there to stop Barney from getting to the new supply of Duff Max in the back! I'll be ruined!

Itachi: Is this Barney your mentor in a war against your family and your village, and because of them you lead a life of desolation and destruction as part of an evil organisation?

Moe: No.

Itachi: Then your problems are worthless.

Moe: ...I'll just be under this nice blanket.

Renge: Ahem. The meeting of the Fanservice And Gayness Society will now commence. Misa, be ready to keep the minutes!

Misa: Misa is secretary because of her good penmanship!

Sasuke: I have a sort of great uncle you would get on amazingly with. Half the time.

Renge: First point: there's no one here who would protest to the gentle love between two cousins. Why, I myself even have a shelf devoted to Uchihacest-

Sasuke: WHAT?!

Itachi: Hn?

Renge: -but it must be said, that subtle is not the way this society rolls! We want it hot and heavy or we want Kyoya's beautiful face on the screen for twenty-two minutes instead. So fail! Second point: the bad guys were unattractive! We want to swoon, to fall under the spell of an anti-hero who has been introduced to hair product! Not disgusting spider-men and creeps with- with-

Moe: [Muffled from under the blanket.] Clamps.

Renge: I didn't want to ship any of them with my OC! So fail again! Third point: the only time someone was topless was in the horrific finale! This does not make me feel titillated with desire:


Sasuke: Where did that projector come from? Look, if you let me go, I'll maximise the topless screentime. I will be the epitome of fanservice. Just release me, right now.

Mikuru: P-Please don’t get mad, Uchiha-san, but you will be here with us until Shippuuden. But I will make lots of tea! And-

[Sasuke has collapsed from despair.]

Renge: Well done, moe-blob! The Uchiha is suitably full of angst! Let's celebrate with some Hello Kitty-flavoured water.

Misa: I didn't know water could be kitty-flavoured.

Itachi: I made it by mangekyoing several cats.

Misa: Yay!


[Also in an undisclosed location.]

Dave: Congratulations, men! The first arc is done and dusted and let me just say: it is beautiful. Your hard work, dedication and willingness to order extra prawn crackers when needed was what got us through this. I look forward to many more arcs, each as high in quality as the last! Give yourselves a pat on the back.

Filler writer 2: I can't reach. W-Would you pat my back?

Dave: It's just a figure of speech, Number 2. ...but what the hell, come here!

Filler writer 2: Best. Arc. Ever.

Team members: Naruto, Sakura and Jiraiya
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 1
Number of rasengans: 0!
Next week: A new arc including lava, pigs, denim, chuunins and a scratch-your-eyes-out-in-horror finale. Look forward to it!