159. An Enemy or Friend?! The Bounty Hunter of the Desert

Worth watching as a manga-standard episode? zzzzzzzz
Worth watching for the lulz? Worth watching if you dislike Naru/Hina?


[In a field filled with flowers and sparkles, Naruto and Hinata run towards each other as romantic music plays.]

Hinata: Oh Naruto-kun, I am so happy! Let us prove our love for each other!

[Kiba's eyes are trained on the screen as he dedicatedly thinks over the following responses that have appeared:

A) Let us be married before the morrow!
B) I just want to kiss you for hours, only pausing to stroke your hair and read you a section of my first collection of poems, tentatively entitled 'Hinata: The Blossoming Rose'
C) Tits or gtfo

Knowing any romance simulation game is about following your heart and trying to skip ahead to the hentai cut scenes, Kiba selects option C. Hinata stops running and looks confused.]

Hinata: W-what? But I thought we had something special...

Naruto: [Directing his rage to the other side of the screen.] Oh come on, man! Even I know you don't let on you wanna see their tits 'til like the second date or something!

Hinata: That's it! I am swearing off men forever!

[In a nearby bush, not too far from a parked helicopter, Neji taps his fingertips together in a disturbingly good imitation of Mr. Burns. While Naruto falls to his knees and goes through a pixellated tragedy, Kiba spies a butterfly and starts chasing it with Akamaru, immediately forgetting everything that has gone before. ADD will do that to you.]


Alright the beginning isn't exactly like this, but close enough. Hinata has made a picnic but Kiba is still chasing that butterfly. Hinata gives Naruto head.

*Cough*


She hands Naruto a customised onigari. Naruto does not understand that the rules of love dictate you make food in the shape of your stalkee. Apparently Kiba saying "we're on a mission" is not enough for us to understand. We must be shown a flashback of them receiving the mission, which is "to capture the bloke who stole Misogi from the Tea Country's daimyo".

Kiba sets the scene nicely for us.

Aside from the question since when was there a Tea Country, I feel the need to draw attention to the translator's note: 'Misogi is a tool used for self-reflection'. Is it me or is that pretty deep for a Naruto episode?

Oh Naruto, sometimes you say the cutest things. 61 eps left

Kiba chucks his Naruto-ball for Akamaru to nom as, despite the barbs of rejection it will no doubt drive into Hinata's heart, it's a step too far to expect a guy to eat something in the shape of another guy.

Just one of many delightful lines the fillers has brought us. Well, I say many, I mean two.

Looking at the scenery, the Stone Country has a theme and it's sticking with it. Let's hope the Fire Country doesn't follow suit. Our heroes come upon a town straight out of the Wild West, complete with tumbleweeds. Naruto is stupid enough to mistake a poster for a person. They stumble into a bar and are told "We don't take kindly to city folk". Then they have a brawl. This thing just writes itself.

A Lone Ranger sorts out those who think a dog doesn't have the right to drink dirty bar milk. Then, considering some of the things these kids see on a regular basis – people walking on water, turning into demons, Gai wearing an afro wig oh it's coming – Naruto, Kiba and Hinata are impressed because this guy cut a sword in half quickly. I'm not saying it wasn't good, I'm just saying- oh why am I even trying to apply logic to this. He reveals he's a bounty hunter and what do you mean hats and scars are cliché this guy is rocking them. The fact the gang are ninjas is apparently very lol-worthy and then Lone Ranger tries to push milk on everyone.

The protein in milk keeps me in perfect shape to slice swords and wear a hat. Plus some studies indicate ninjas who choose milk over sugary drinks are leaner. Try asking the ones who don't drink it – oh wait, you can't. They're dead. Not only is it delicious, but your canine pal will love it too. And if anyone has a problem with that, send them my way.

He leads them out of the town and Naruto finally decides to bring up the fact that most ramen businesses do not profit highly in the middle of the desert. Lone Ranger does a 180 and tells them the Milky Bars are not on him! Also he's going to kill them. He gives Hinata, Kiba and Akamaru a good poke, inexplicably causing them to fall unconscious. Even though he just said he was going to kill everyone, he obviously doesn't and Naruto gets the mysterious poke of nap-time too. Lone Ranger goes after the target because he works alone goddamnit.


He follows some ninjas wearing pom poms and then the guy he's after jumps out. He throws nails into the ground, which come up and stab Lone Ranger's feet, keeping him rooted while the rest shoot up to slice and dice him. I was quite impressed up until this point re his effective ninjutsu, but no actual slicing and dicing occurs apart from a bit of ripped clothing as somehow the hundred nails miss his sitting duck target body. Regardless, Lone Ranger plays along, groaning in pain until Naruto uses his kage bunshin for something useful for a change, scaring the Pom Poms off.

Naruto and the crew take Lone Ranger to a handy, empty house, when another bounty hunter from the bar attacks with a big bat. Nice to see some people still do things the old fashioned way. However, ninja > bat, so the guy runs away. He leaves behind a poster to explain his sudden actions and that is... dun, dun, dun, the wanted poster for Lone Ranger. You mean someone who tries to kill kids isn't a nice man?!

This sentence, imagine it announcing its return in an Austrian accent.

Team members: Naruto, Kiba and Hinata
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 2
Number of rasengans: 0
Next week: More pom poms than you can shake a kunai at.