162. The White Noroimusha

Worth watching as a manga-standard episode? There was something memorable about this arc, but I forget what it was.
Worth watching for the lulz? Neji and Tenten, while keeping things nice and sensible to a point, are the harbingers of anti-lulz.

Noroimusha means cursed warrior, or so I am told. I chose this title over the alternate translation 'A Slow, White Warrior' because it wasn't as terrifying as I'm sure you find the current one. Ambience, in a blog such as this, is key.

We begin with some good old fashioned, neighbourhood watch style curtain-twitching. A 'ghost' appears, strangely reminiscent of a guy who's run through a washing line and is wearing a mask he's stapled together. Lol foreshadowing. How cynical of me – it has to be a ghost as it disappeared when prodded. Because no one else in this series has the ability to do things like that.

Nope.

You don't stand A GHOST OF A CHANCE.
Elsewhere, Naruto puts his ninja abilities to good use as he pretends to be a booger. Maybe if Sasuke had partaken in these hilarious hijinks, he wouldn't have buggered off to emo over his murdered clan. So. When there's something strange in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call? Konoha apparently and the concerned citizen is none other than Harry Potter. (A crossover also saves me from learning any throwaway filler names.)


It seems Dave has been rereading book five and goes for a Harry with inner capslock rage, as he stabs himself in the stomach...only to remove a purse. His threat to cut his life into pieces as this is his last resort breaks Tsunade's barrier against missions of stupid, which she arguably never had to begin with. Harry is a Narutard and goes to Ichiraku Ramen (he knows his stuff) to fanboy Naruto. He produces the same non-creepy and non-stalkerish attitude a similar fanbrat would create, watching him eat and hiding in the shadows. Naruto is good to his fans though and takes on the mission, since he's already filled his pretending to be a booger quota for the day. Harry's best friend (logically this makes him Ron. Logically) was appointed as the new daimyo after his father and sister died, and he's glummer than when he was sicking up slugs. Somehow Harry and Ron's decaying friendship equates to Naruto and Sasuke's struggle, because mentioning Sasuke doubles the number of viewers.

Naruto, the little ninja with a big imagination.
That is supposed to be a black eye by the way. It is etched with fail. Naruto, Neji and Tenten set off on the mission to see what all this ghosting's about. They travel to the Bird Country, which we are told is far away. Then we are shown a map to prove it is far away. Then we have several hours of walking to show to get to this far away place you must do a lot of walking to get there. Of course this is not padding, it is essential to the plot. To break up the many frames of feet moving forward, Harry explains that the Noroimusha is rumoured to be Ron's father, searching for his murderer. Also, the daimyo's former strategist has a motive had concerns over Ron becoming daimyo so young. Since it's crossover time, that makes him, I dunno, Snape. Dumbledore, a big advisor bloke, cast Snape's aspersions aside and put Ron in charge. Good old Neji and Tenten look at this realistically and comment that Dumbledore and Snape are suspicious. Harry protests that Dumbledore is a sweetie-pie, so Snape is getting the ol' evil eye from our heroes. Wow, just like in The Philosopher's Stone.

Heeeeeeere's Johnny!
But then Snape gets a nightly visit from the Noroimusha and Neji's byakugan reveals it has no living aura. Well then everyone must be innocent and ghosts must be real. Naruto tries to expose the ghost Scooby Doo style, which fails because we're not doing that crossover this week there was no one inside! WITH SHOCKS LIKE THESE WHO NEEDS DRUGS AMRITE KIDS.


Dear Diary,

Me again! Well as if it would be anyone else. Though Gai-sensei did try and sneak a peek at you once – the shuriken that flew out trimmed the edges of that crazy bowl-cut of his. There was a thin line of blood above each ear and Lee, upset and confused, tried to stab himself in the head with a kunai to match. Yet another day's training wasted due to a trip to the hospital. The doctors still say Lee should come off the five different kinds of steroids he's on, but if anyone brings it up it causes one of his fits, so we try to stay quiet.

Gai-sensei's coming over, I wonder what he wants now...

Urgh that is just so typical of him! He said we have a mission to infiltrate a whorehouse coming up and so we had to put on our undercover outfits and recite our lines again. God knows why – we've been preparing for this mission for months, I don't see why we can't just go and get it over with! There was no getting through to him though, so we took our places round Gai-sensei, who always plays the part of the customer. I served him sake (while trying to pull up my top when he wasn't looking) and Neji fanned him, generally looking bored. Lee, of course, announced he wanted to be the best whore ever to make Gai-sensei proud of him, so he was wearing next to nothing. I didn't know where to look. We entertained him for a while and then Neji requested he go home so he could train with his uncle. I'm so jealous, it must be great knowing if you have family or not. Gai-sensei said we could finish there, but that he wanted a word with Lee. Lee said he'd change back into his normal training gear, but Gai-sensei said it was urgent. Not urgent enough to tell me I notice! I always get left out. Anyway, I'm off to wander the streets for the night since I don't know if I have a home to go back to.

Oh and Neji said two words to me today ("good" and "morning") bringing the total up to nineteen!

~*Tenten*~


Team members: Naruto, Neji and Tenten
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 1
Number of rasengans: 0!
Next week: More things go bump in the night than a harem of Tonbos trying to find a light-switch, and it's just as pointless.