Good grief, it's the end of August already. Thank you for the comments guys! I'm going to level with you and admit this blog isn't going to get updated for another fortnight or so. I've got the rents visiting, plus another writing project I'm working on that gets my spare time at the moment. But I'm not abandoning this baby! And when I get back, the poorly neglected sister community on LJ will also be getting some love injected into it.
So check back later and use this time to watch anything else but fillers. Because what crazy would watch them willingly?
22 August 2010
10 July 2010
168. Burning Pot! Mix it, Stir it and Boil it!
Worth watching as a manga-standard episode? Ninja who have dedicated their lives to cooking? No. Just no.
Worth watching for the lulz? Yes!
Naruto wants a llama and Chouji's accompanying him in a desperate bid for more screen-time. Unfortunately, Ichiraku Ramen is fresh out and *SUPER MEGA ULTRA GASP* not open. Because normal businesses never close.
Ceiling nin are watching you masturbate.
Lolninjas – the more you run a meme into the ground, the funnier it gets. The boys sneak in regardless and find Ramen Man wants to make the perfect new ramen.
Though the sauce is orgasmic,Gordon Ramsey Renji Chouji fails the noodles. All the boy eats are potato chips and barbeque pork, since when did he become a connoisseur? Belatedly, Naruto realises Ayame isn't there... because she's dead! No, wait, kidnapped, that's the one. By – and it pains me to type this – cooking ninja.
Why We Need Ryouri-Nin Part 1: thinking about porn makes you hungry. Why We Need Ryouri-Nin Part 2: we don't. Their way of the ninja centres round producing delicious food suitable for eating on missions to improve performance. Or at least, that's how they justified it to their fathers, who nearly denounced their wussy children. If you want to be a chef, that's fine, just don’t bring down the honourable name of shinobi with your lustings after Jamie Oliver!
Maybe he's born with it...
The head kidnapper has a freaking nose guard attached to his face. How he is supposed to instil terror is beyond me. I imagine his to do list reads as follows: 1) Steal recipe 2) Blow minor things out of proportion 3) Get nose-guard dry-cleaned. Ramen Man won't give him the Sooper Sekrit Recipe of How Not to Suck (pro tip: the special ingredient is STOP BEING FUCKING USELESS NINJA) so Nose Face has a hissy fit and yoinks Ayame. "To a ryori-nin, a recipe is more important than his life!" This is the level of stupidity we are dealing with here. Ramen Man is challenged to a cooking competition or something equally gay to save his kidnapped daughter. Sakura, the voice of reason, suggests the Hokage.
"Then we'd have no filler plot. Stupid bitch."
Ramen Man teaches Naruto, Chouji and Sakura how to make noodles. The deadline is tomorrow and it took him five years to master the art. But of course they can do it in a night, realism be damned! "What matters most in cooking are your feelings!" cries out Chouji. "Skill and experience are not everything!"
False. Case in point.
The day of the contest comes and everyone turns up because nothing more exciting is going on in their lives. Noodle making time and Naruto fucking rasengans the dough. Somewhere, through the winds of space and time, Yondaime is facepalming. He creates a shoddy merchandise knock-off:
igniting Sakura's love for domestic violence and causing her to pound the dough into the ground (which, apparently, is the perfect way to knead). This isn't the first time they've dealt with unlicensed action figures:
Bottom left-hand corner.
Then Chouji supersizes his arms to wrap and pull the dough into noodles ready for cooking. Nose Face makes up a rule that the one who arrived first gets served first, by the honour of the ryou-nin, though what this has to do with honour only Sandaime knows. And he's dead. Exactly one hundred nin (who all look the same yet their design changes every shot) arrived at the same time. Wait a minute, doesn't Naruto have a jutsu- oh you silly filler writers, I was almost worried for a second there!
The day is saved and Linkin Park starts playing in the background as Nose Face sobs there is no use anymore for ryou-nin. (Really?? And no one told you this at the beginning, WHY?) Their flavoursome meals made ninja fat and useless. But it turns out Ramen Man does have the recipe they're after and it's been a misunderstanding due to a play on words... I dunno, I got distracted when they showed a bowl of soup with a pig's trotter poking out. Ayame is returned but she's now a porker. And so the real enemy turns out to be obesity. Ramen Man creates Diet Ramen (and presumably Ramen Zero) which is popular with the girls.
Temari can be seen in the queue, so this is obviously worth travelling three days for and, you know, skipping important missions and stuff. Bonus points for recognising Nova at the back – fucking your cousin sure does make you work up an appetite.
Ramen Man comes out of the back and has a severe case of anorexia. Remember kids:
Obesity = srs bsnss. Anorexia = lulz.
Team members: Naruto, Sakura and Chouji
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 2
Number of rasengans: 1
Next week: Anko's backstory: the truth behind the trench coat.
Worth watching for the lulz? Yes!
Naruto wants a llama and Chouji's accompanying him in a desperate bid for more screen-time. Unfortunately, Ichiraku Ramen is fresh out and *SUPER MEGA ULTRA GASP* not open. Because normal businesses never close.
Lolninjas – the more you run a meme into the ground, the funnier it gets. The boys sneak in regardless and find Ramen Man wants to make the perfect new ramen.
Though the sauce is orgasmic,
Why We Need Ryouri-Nin Part 1: thinking about porn makes you hungry. Why We Need Ryouri-Nin Part 2: we don't. Their way of the ninja centres round producing delicious food suitable for eating on missions to improve performance. Or at least, that's how they justified it to their fathers, who nearly denounced their wussy children. If you want to be a chef, that's fine, just don’t bring down the honourable name of shinobi with your lustings after Jamie Oliver!
The head kidnapper has a freaking nose guard attached to his face. How he is supposed to instil terror is beyond me. I imagine his to do list reads as follows: 1) Steal recipe 2) Blow minor things out of proportion 3) Get nose-guard dry-cleaned. Ramen Man won't give him the Sooper Sekrit Recipe of How Not to Suck (pro tip: the special ingredient is STOP BEING FUCKING USELESS NINJA) so Nose Face has a hissy fit and yoinks Ayame. "To a ryori-nin, a recipe is more important than his life!" This is the level of stupidity we are dealing with here. Ramen Man is challenged to a cooking competition or something equally gay to save his kidnapped daughter. Sakura, the voice of reason, suggests the Hokage.
Ramen Man teaches Naruto, Chouji and Sakura how to make noodles. The deadline is tomorrow and it took him five years to master the art. But of course they can do it in a night, realism be damned! "What matters most in cooking are your feelings!" cries out Chouji. "Skill and experience are not everything!"
The day of the contest comes and everyone turns up because nothing more exciting is going on in their lives. Noodle making time and Naruto fucking rasengans the dough. Somewhere, through the winds of space and time, Yondaime is facepalming. He creates a shoddy merchandise knock-off:
igniting Sakura's love for domestic violence and causing her to pound the dough into the ground (which, apparently, is the perfect way to knead). This isn't the first time they've dealt with unlicensed action figures:
Then Chouji supersizes his arms to wrap and pull the dough into noodles ready for cooking. Nose Face makes up a rule that the one who arrived first gets served first, by the honour of the ryou-nin, though what this has to do with honour only Sandaime knows. And he's dead. Exactly one hundred nin (who all look the same yet their design changes every shot) arrived at the same time. Wait a minute, doesn't Naruto have a jutsu- oh you silly filler writers, I was almost worried for a second there!
The day is saved and Linkin Park starts playing in the background as Nose Face sobs there is no use anymore for ryou-nin. (Really?? And no one told you this at the beginning, WHY?) Their flavoursome meals made ninja fat and useless. But it turns out Ramen Man does have the recipe they're after and it's been a misunderstanding due to a play on words... I dunno, I got distracted when they showed a bowl of soup with a pig's trotter poking out. Ayame is returned but she's now a porker. And so the real enemy turns out to be obesity. Ramen Man creates Diet Ramen (and presumably Ramen Zero) which is popular with the girls.
Temari can be seen in the queue, so this is obviously worth travelling three days for and, you know, skipping important missions and stuff. Bonus points for recognising Nova at the back – fucking your cousin sure does make you work up an appetite.
Ramen Man comes out of the back and has a severe case of anorexia. Remember kids:
Team members: Naruto, Sakura and Chouji
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 2
Number of rasengans: 1
Next week: Anko's backstory: the truth behind the trench coat.
27 June 2010
166 & 167. Naruto Did It This Year Too! The Bird Country Even Though It's the Year of the Dog?! Raging Dattebayo Special!
Worth watching as a manga-standard episode? Let's imagine these episodes are my head and logic is a big hammer. No matter how many times logic is brought down against my head until it's a bloody, pulpy mess, it just can't get in.
Worth watching for the lulz? Erm, could someone send for an ambulance?
Before we immerse ourselves in the raging...ness, I came across this recently:
Er I mean:
It's the fifth Naruto OVA, done in CGI and released in 2009 (Wikipedia: my brain's external hard drive). Despite the mod graphics – sharingan-vision in CGI kicks ass by the way – the plot hops in the way back machine and puts the pedal to the metal. We're talking Sakura with long hair and multiple personality issues, Naruto with gender and clothes-wearing issues and Sasuke without issues (relatively). Now I'm not saying it's wonderful to return to a time when Sakura literally can't move out of the way without assistance, but this is a non-canon one-shot that really gets it right. Comedy, cool action sequences and Sasuke not being a whiny little bitch all come together to remind us of a simpler time, a time before everyone changed outfits and the seiyuu had to work on lowering their voices a tone. Apart from Sasuke's, as his balls dropped when he was three and he's been talking like a 25 year old ever since. But the best cameo of all has to go to Kabuto's ninja info card – it's on top form, as usual, and steals the scene. Look out for M Night Shyamalan's next summer blockbuster The Cardening coming to a screen near you.
Math, science, history, unravelling the mystery, it all started with a- special that isn't. In a little introduction, Naruto says "That's enough of my parlour tricks."
...
"Soon you're going to start to worry about my adventures in the Bird Country, huh?" No, not really. We have a recap to remind us why we should have skipped this arc and then we're straight into some copy pasta from Kakashi telling Sasuke, "Revenge is bad except go for it cos I hear it's pretty important to the plot." And oh look, just in case you weren’t paying attention to the previous hundred episodes, have a flashback to beat the theme into you. This leads my mind to wonder as to why Sasuke has such a deep voice for a twelve year old...
[Iruka doesn't have an office, but if he did, this is where they would be.]
Iruka: Hello, Sasuke. Take a seat. Do you know why I've called you here today?
Sasuke: Oh gosh, I have no idea. Hope I'm not in trouble, tee hee!
Iruka: No, no, nothing like that, no need to worry. That's a lovely shirt by the way.
Sasuke: Thank you so much! It was on sale, still too expensive really, especially considering I already have so much lilac! But if you don't treat yourself now and then, who will?
Iruka: Nice to hear you're taking care of yourself. So, I wanted to talk with you about the team you're to be assigned. Sandaime asked me to keep an eye on you and I think warning you ahead of the other students so you have time to adjust will help.
Sasuke: Ooo how exciting!
Iruka: Great, so the list reads Uchiha Sasuke-
Sasuke: That's me!
Iruka: Uzumaki Naruto and Haruno Sakura.
Sasuke: Wait, the boy who everyone avoids for some dark reason and the girl who camped in a tree outside my window for three days to take photos of me naked?!
Iruka: As you can tell, they're spirited.
Sasuke: You're going to put me in a team with those freaks?! [Sasuke clutches his head and sways] Re...lap...sing...
Iruka: [alarmed] Are you ok?
Sasuke: I want a cigarette.
Iruka: Sasuke, no, you were doing so well after the clan-
Sasuke: I want a fucking cigarette.
Forty a day since and Sasuke's never quite been the same.
Where was I? Oh right, Ron's secret spinning wall swings round so he can ditch everyone and this sets into motion the house falling down. Some people go for conservatories, others have a self-destruct button.
Kakashi raikiris through Ceiling Dude's stone defence, which leads him to 'suddenly remember' he is fighting the great copy ninja with the power of the sharingan. It's right there on his face, this isn't rocket science. Kakashi says this guy doesn't copy jutsus, but instead controls the flow of chakra to look like he does... you say potato, I say potato. I'm thinking there must be a teensy bit of poutiness on Kakashi's part, since Ceiling Dude is encroaching on his thang what with the copying of the copying and all. He explains he travels about finding shinobi without a village like him and stealing jutsus ALL THE TIME WHILE A LIGHTNING BOLT IS PULSATING INSIDE OF HIM. Gee I guess he really is hardcore LOLkillmenow.
The minor baddie dead, finally, Kakashi rendezvous with his ninja pals and Naruto updates him succinctly as ever:
Is it just me or are Tenten and Neji being a bit over-friendly in supporting Snape?
Snape 'explains' about Ron:
Yeah, that's about the standard of script-writing I've come to expect now. Oh no, there's a better explanation: "Most likely, he is possessed by the deceased daimyo."
Sigh.
Meanwhile, in one of the many secret passageways, Ron pulls on the rope that seems to do everything and has a good stare at the Noroimusha costume. Through the power of flashback we learn that Ron isn't Ron, but... Ron's dead sister! Except she's not dead. But she is his sister. Well, there we are then. Ron's the one who's dead, which sucks for him, and he returns as a ghost to give her a metaphor so she won't stab herself in the neck like she was about to. Back to the present, putting on the Noroimusha costume gives Hermione a glow and a man's voice, which is never explained, and she goes off to get revenge and pie.
Harry has escaped from Madam Pomfrey's to wait in a bush for Hermione to confront Dumbledore, who looks as if he's going to envelope her in his pillowy lips:
As if there wasn't enough 'reveals' in this arc, Dumbledore isn't Dumbledore (these guys aren't very observant are they?) but actually the boss of wandering ninja mentioned earlier. How did he fool them all? Flashback to him swallowing a sword and Mr. Weasley finding it delightful. Yeah. Hermione soon discovers fireballs pwn kites and Blue Peter masks and she comes crashing down. It's odd how Dumbley-dore claims to have travelled the nations searching for varied techniques, yet all the ones he uses comes from Konoha. Lazy, that's what it is.
Hermione's hat comes off in the melee and that turned out to be the source of her gender-confused vocals. Harry copes very well with the sudden revelation that his friend he thought was dead is actually alive and it's his other friend who's dead. He jumps out from his bush to do absolutely nothing useful at all. Thankfully, Naruto appears for a bit of action and states Dumbledore's ninjutsu is just an illusion. This doesn't stop him, Tenten and even Neji from being fooled by these:
I don't get how a cartoon has a props budget, but anyway Kakashi recognises this is the same as Shrek in CGI, except way less funny and not Scottish. He breaks the projector (the projector) and Naruto goes after Dumbledore, who grabbed Hermione after the old 'I'll poke you in the stomach and you'll fall unconscious' ruse. To reach her, Naruto has to board a boat into the wallpaper pattern of the house, which is pretty cool. Better hope it isn't yellow, amirite 19th century English lit students? Naruto has been genjutsu'd, which is a lot like being punk'd except you die at the end. Harry finds there is a river inexplicably running under the house, presumably next to the underground secret passages that are also lying about, and that Naruto is going to drown if he doesn't snap out of it. Harry takes a leaf out of Sakura's book and yells his name a lot, which actually works. Dumbledore appears with a tied up Hermione and Harry says he had a feeling she was pretending to be Ron all along. Yeah right, whatever Harry. You're just relieved those confused romantic feelings you were feeling towards your best friend turned out to be safely hetero.
To spice things up, Dumbledore throws off his clothes and suddenly changes appearance. Harry, the little masochist, gets stabbed by some shuriken and then appears to die. Hermione wails, Dumbledore lols and I look at my watch. Dumbledore splashes Naruto with a lot of water and he floats downwards. What saves him? The ghost of Ron, naturally. So. Many. Bloody. Ghosts. Then Naruto confuses Dumbledore with Axel as he discusses heart stealing, though after this many reveals and costume changes, anything's possible.
In the name of the moon, I will rendan you!
Dumbledore gets put out for the count and Hermione sobs over Harry's body. But, wait for it, Harry's not really dead because this is a filler moment and not a canon one. She vows to live for the future and forget about revenge. Lesson learned: Sasuke will totally be this easy. Right? Hermione is inaugurated as the daimyo and Kakashi gets a boner at the notion of someone not cross-dressing, contradicting a hell of a lot of KakaIru fanfics. How does this arc end? By blatantly pointing out a plot inconsistency – that the first Noroimusha was empty – and because they can't explain it, Dave strikes again with a 'oooo it's a ghost, spooky, eh, kids?'
And if you're still lamenting the lack of logic:
Furries. No more questions, because furries.
Team members: Naruto, Neji, Tenten and Kakashi
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 4 (including Dumbledore's copy cat version)
Number of rasengans: 0!
Next week: Cooking ninja. It doesn't get much lower than this.
Worth watching for the lulz? Erm, could someone send for an ambulance?
Before we immerse ourselves in the raging...ness, I came across this recently:
Er I mean:
It's the fifth Naruto OVA, done in CGI and released in 2009 (Wikipedia: my brain's external hard drive). Despite the mod graphics – sharingan-vision in CGI kicks ass by the way – the plot hops in the way back machine and puts the pedal to the metal. We're talking Sakura with long hair and multiple personality issues, Naruto with gender and clothes-wearing issues and Sasuke without issues (relatively). Now I'm not saying it's wonderful to return to a time when Sakura literally can't move out of the way without assistance, but this is a non-canon one-shot that really gets it right. Comedy, cool action sequences and Sasuke not being a whiny little bitch all come together to remind us of a simpler time, a time before everyone changed outfits and the seiyuu had to work on lowering their voices a tone. Apart from Sasuke's, as his balls dropped when he was three and he's been talking like a 25 year old ever since. But the best cameo of all has to go to Kabuto's ninja info card – it's on top form, as usual, and steals the scene. Look out for M Night Shyamalan's next summer blockbuster The Cardening coming to a screen near you.
Math, science, history, unravelling the mystery, it all started with a- special that isn't. In a little introduction, Naruto says "That's enough of my parlour tricks."
...
"Soon you're going to start to worry about my adventures in the Bird Country, huh?" No, not really. We have a recap to remind us why we should have skipped this arc and then we're straight into some copy pasta from Kakashi telling Sasuke, "Revenge is bad except go for it cos I hear it's pretty important to the plot." And oh look, just in case you weren’t paying attention to the previous hundred episodes, have a flashback to beat the theme into you. This leads my mind to wonder as to why Sasuke has such a deep voice for a twelve year old...
[Iruka doesn't have an office, but if he did, this is where they would be.]
Iruka: Hello, Sasuke. Take a seat. Do you know why I've called you here today?
Sasuke: Oh gosh, I have no idea. Hope I'm not in trouble, tee hee!
Iruka: No, no, nothing like that, no need to worry. That's a lovely shirt by the way.
Sasuke: Thank you so much! It was on sale, still too expensive really, especially considering I already have so much lilac! But if you don't treat yourself now and then, who will?
Iruka: Nice to hear you're taking care of yourself. So, I wanted to talk with you about the team you're to be assigned. Sandaime asked me to keep an eye on you and I think warning you ahead of the other students so you have time to adjust will help.
Sasuke: Ooo how exciting!
Iruka: Great, so the list reads Uchiha Sasuke-
Sasuke: That's me!
Iruka: Uzumaki Naruto and Haruno Sakura.
Sasuke: Wait, the boy who everyone avoids for some dark reason and the girl who camped in a tree outside my window for three days to take photos of me naked?!
Iruka: As you can tell, they're spirited.
Sasuke: You're going to put me in a team with those freaks?! [Sasuke clutches his head and sways] Re...lap...sing...
Iruka: [alarmed] Are you ok?
Sasuke: I want a cigarette.
Iruka: Sasuke, no, you were doing so well after the clan-
Sasuke: I want a fucking cigarette.
Forty a day since and Sasuke's never quite been the same.
Where was I? Oh right, Ron's secret spinning wall swings round so he can ditch everyone and this sets into motion the house falling down. Some people go for conservatories, others have a self-destruct button.
Kakashi raikiris through Ceiling Dude's stone defence, which leads him to 'suddenly remember' he is fighting the great copy ninja with the power of the sharingan. It's right there on his face, this isn't rocket science. Kakashi says this guy doesn't copy jutsus, but instead controls the flow of chakra to look like he does... you say potato, I say potato. I'm thinking there must be a teensy bit of poutiness on Kakashi's part, since Ceiling Dude is encroaching on his thang what with the copying of the copying and all. He explains he travels about finding shinobi without a village like him and stealing jutsus ALL THE TIME WHILE A LIGHTNING BOLT IS PULSATING INSIDE OF HIM. Gee I guess he really is hardcore LOLkillmenow.
The minor baddie dead, finally, Kakashi rendezvous with his ninja pals and Naruto updates him succinctly as ever:
Snape 'explains' about Ron:
Yeah, that's about the standard of script-writing I've come to expect now. Oh no, there's a better explanation: "Most likely, he is possessed by the deceased daimyo."
Sigh.
Meanwhile, in one of the many secret passageways, Ron pulls on the rope that seems to do everything and has a good stare at the Noroimusha costume. Through the power of flashback we learn that Ron isn't Ron, but... Ron's dead sister! Except she's not dead. But she is his sister. Well, there we are then. Ron's the one who's dead, which sucks for him, and he returns as a ghost to give her a metaphor so she won't stab herself in the neck like she was about to. Back to the present, putting on the Noroimusha costume gives Hermione a glow and a man's voice, which is never explained, and she goes off to get revenge and pie.
Harry has escaped from Madam Pomfrey's to wait in a bush for Hermione to confront Dumbledore, who looks as if he's going to envelope her in his pillowy lips:
As if there wasn't enough 'reveals' in this arc, Dumbledore isn't Dumbledore (these guys aren't very observant are they?) but actually the boss of wandering ninja mentioned earlier. How did he fool them all? Flashback to him swallowing a sword and Mr. Weasley finding it delightful. Yeah. Hermione soon discovers fireballs pwn kites and Blue Peter masks and she comes crashing down. It's odd how Dumbley-dore claims to have travelled the nations searching for varied techniques, yet all the ones he uses comes from Konoha. Lazy, that's what it is.
Hermione's hat comes off in the melee and that turned out to be the source of her gender-confused vocals. Harry copes very well with the sudden revelation that his friend he thought was dead is actually alive and it's his other friend who's dead. He jumps out from his bush to do absolutely nothing useful at all. Thankfully, Naruto appears for a bit of action and states Dumbledore's ninjutsu is just an illusion. This doesn't stop him, Tenten and even Neji from being fooled by these:
I don't get how a cartoon has a props budget, but anyway Kakashi recognises this is the same as Shrek in CGI, except way less funny and not Scottish. He breaks the projector (the projector) and Naruto goes after Dumbledore, who grabbed Hermione after the old 'I'll poke you in the stomach and you'll fall unconscious' ruse. To reach her, Naruto has to board a boat into the wallpaper pattern of the house, which is pretty cool. Better hope it isn't yellow, amirite 19th century English lit students? Naruto has been genjutsu'd, which is a lot like being punk'd except you die at the end. Harry finds there is a river inexplicably running under the house, presumably next to the underground secret passages that are also lying about, and that Naruto is going to drown if he doesn't snap out of it. Harry takes a leaf out of Sakura's book and yells his name a lot, which actually works. Dumbledore appears with a tied up Hermione and Harry says he had a feeling she was pretending to be Ron all along. Yeah right, whatever Harry. You're just relieved those confused romantic feelings you were feeling towards your best friend turned out to be safely hetero.
To spice things up, Dumbledore throws off his clothes and suddenly changes appearance. Harry, the little masochist, gets stabbed by some shuriken and then appears to die. Hermione wails, Dumbledore lols and I look at my watch. Dumbledore splashes Naruto with a lot of water and he floats downwards. What saves him? The ghost of Ron, naturally. So. Many. Bloody. Ghosts. Then Naruto confuses Dumbledore with Axel as he discusses heart stealing, though after this many reveals and costume changes, anything's possible.
Dumbledore gets put out for the count and Hermione sobs over Harry's body. But, wait for it, Harry's not really dead because this is a filler moment and not a canon one. She vows to live for the future and forget about revenge. Lesson learned: Sasuke will totally be this easy. Right? Hermione is inaugurated as the daimyo and Kakashi gets a boner at the notion of someone not cross-dressing, contradicting a hell of a lot of KakaIru fanfics. How does this arc end? By blatantly pointing out a plot inconsistency – that the first Noroimusha was empty – and because they can't explain it, Dave strikes again with a 'oooo it's a ghost, spooky, eh, kids?'
And if you're still lamenting the lack of logic:
Furries. No more questions, because furries.
Team members: Naruto, Neji, Tenten and Kakashi
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 4 (including Dumbledore's copy cat version)
Number of rasengans: 0!
Next week: Cooking ninja. It doesn't get much lower than this.
01 June 2010
165. Naruto's Death
Worth watching as a manga-standard episode? Bah.
Worth watching for the lulz? Meh.
Never has an ep been so blatant about its desperation for ratings. At least in 'Gaara Dies!' in Shippuuden, he does actually die. You didn't really think Kakashi was going to abandon Naruto, did you? Shame on you, thinking something interesting might happen. So, after setting us up with that hum-dinger of a title, Kakashi yells out "PSYCHE!" and Tenten and Neji roll around laughing. Boy, did he fool them. But seriously, they're being followed by one of the Ceiling People and those cats are just messed up. Observing them before attacking, the enemy gets suspicious because Tenten wins a fight against Kakashi and Neji:
chucks some shuriken in their direction:
and sure enough, they're apes.
I love Naruto logic.
One of Dumbledore's dudes reports back that the Konoha posse are no longer a threat:
SERIOUSLY GUYS, WHAT IS UP WITH THIS HOUSE.
And Dumbledore fishes out his most splendid hat for Snape's seppuku ceremony. Snape is led out to the committing-seppuku-where-everyone-can-watch grounds and Dumbledore reads out his crimes. One of which is the following:
Now, I don't remember any of this being mentioned. This sounds vaguely interesting! I would like to hear more about this! Do we have some kind of Headless Horseman dealy going on? Or perhaps Ron's dad flopped out of a tv Ring-style? Alas, the world may never know, as just as Snape is about to paint the floor with his intestines, a mist descends. The Noroimusha appears in the confusion and yanks Snape up and away. Kakashi, Neji and Tenten show they were henged guards, which is a nice touch but doesn't seem to serve any purpose. Everyone runs/kites to safety. Tenten wants to unmask the Noroimusha because we haven't done it yet this episode, but Kakashi is as fed up of that as we are and sends everyone away. He always feels like somebody's watching him and he has no privacy. Sadly, no bass-heavy music starts playing, but one of the Ceiling People emerges. Kakashi is also revealed to have some less than sexy heels that have presumably been lobbed off in a mission:
We then have a flashback to the nightly visit of the Noroimusha to Snape. This thrilling scene of suspense and terror has the ghost standing there for half an hour before...doing nothing.
You know, if we weren't filler characters, they'd write fanfic about this.
Anyway, the Noroimusha who saved Snape was Naruto; Neji says he knew it all along and Tenten moans about getting left out of everything. You think she'd be used to it by now.
Kakashi fights the Ceiling Dude, who proves to be trickier than he first suspected. He's perhaps overpowered as he's not your usual elemental standard: he steals jutsus – one of which is Gaara's sand coffin. But this makes for interesting viewing and wondering why all ninja don't go for the 'Attack Prevention' jutsu. It sounds a handy catch-all for when your day is filled with people coming at you with pointy things. Naruto and co meet up with Ron, who tells them Harry’s undergoing treatment for his injuries-
Oh yeah, wasn't Naruto supposed to die this episode?
But no, Ron and Naru are best buds after Harry swung by Naruto's jail cell to say Snape is innocent and Dumbledore is the real baddie who killed Ron's father and sister. Ron was ready to sacrifice Snape so Dumbledore didn't realise he knew the skinny, but Naruto came up with a plan to save him by dressing up as the Noroimusha. I know, Naruto came up with a plan, and it didn't even involve farting.
No one's wearing shoes and Ron ends the ep with a line that could teach Sasuke a thing or two about being emo:
Annnnnngst.
Team members: Naruto, Neji and Tenten
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 0!
Number of rasengans: 0!
Next week: Two episode updates in one go. That's right: two. A Raging Dattebayo Special has never been this raging!
Worth watching for the lulz? Meh.
Never has an ep been so blatant about its desperation for ratings. At least in 'Gaara Dies!' in Shippuuden, he does actually die. You didn't really think Kakashi was going to abandon Naruto, did you? Shame on you, thinking something interesting might happen. So, after setting us up with that hum-dinger of a title, Kakashi yells out "PSYCHE!" and Tenten and Neji roll around laughing. Boy, did he fool them. But seriously, they're being followed by one of the Ceiling People and those cats are just messed up. Observing them before attacking, the enemy gets suspicious because Tenten wins a fight against Kakashi and Neji:
chucks some shuriken in their direction:
and sure enough, they're apes.
I love Naruto logic.
One of Dumbledore's dudes reports back that the Konoha posse are no longer a threat:
And Dumbledore fishes out his most splendid hat for Snape's seppuku ceremony. Snape is led out to the committing-seppuku-where-everyone-can-watch grounds and Dumbledore reads out his crimes. One of which is the following:
Now, I don't remember any of this being mentioned. This sounds vaguely interesting! I would like to hear more about this! Do we have some kind of Headless Horseman dealy going on? Or perhaps Ron's dad flopped out of a tv Ring-style? Alas, the world may never know, as just as Snape is about to paint the floor with his intestines, a mist descends. The Noroimusha appears in the confusion and yanks Snape up and away. Kakashi, Neji and Tenten show they were henged guards, which is a nice touch but doesn't seem to serve any purpose. Everyone runs/kites to safety. Tenten wants to unmask the Noroimusha because we haven't done it yet this episode, but Kakashi is as fed up of that as we are and sends everyone away. He always feels like somebody's watching him and he has no privacy. Sadly, no bass-heavy music starts playing, but one of the Ceiling People emerges. Kakashi is also revealed to have some less than sexy heels that have presumably been lobbed off in a mission:
We then have a flashback to the nightly visit of the Noroimusha to Snape. This thrilling scene of suspense and terror has the ghost standing there for half an hour before...doing nothing.
Anyway, the Noroimusha who saved Snape was Naruto; Neji says he knew it all along and Tenten moans about getting left out of everything. You think she'd be used to it by now.
Kakashi fights the Ceiling Dude, who proves to be trickier than he first suspected. He's perhaps overpowered as he's not your usual elemental standard: he steals jutsus – one of which is Gaara's sand coffin. But this makes for interesting viewing and wondering why all ninja don't go for the 'Attack Prevention' jutsu. It sounds a handy catch-all for when your day is filled with people coming at you with pointy things. Naruto and co meet up with Ron, who tells them Harry’s undergoing treatment for his injuries-
Oh yeah, wasn't Naruto supposed to die this episode?
But no, Ron and Naru are best buds after Harry swung by Naruto's jail cell to say Snape is innocent and Dumbledore is the real baddie who killed Ron's father and sister. Ron was ready to sacrifice Snape so Dumbledore didn't realise he knew the skinny, but Naruto came up with a plan to save him by dressing up as the Noroimusha. I know, Naruto came up with a plan, and it didn't even involve farting.
No one's wearing shoes and Ron ends the ep with a line that could teach Sasuke a thing or two about being emo:
Team members: Naruto, Neji and Tenten
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 0!
Number of rasengans: 0!
Next week: Two episode updates in one go. That's right: two. A Raging Dattebayo Special has never been this raging!
21 May 2010
164. The Helper Who Came Too Late
Worth watching as a manga-standard episode? Skip ahead to the ending.
Worth watching for the lulz? Said ending makes me lol, maybe that's just my twisted sense of humour.
Why does the title of this ep sound like a porny badfic? Snape's been arrested and Dumbledore tries to wrap up the whole thing neater than an obsessive compulsive obsessively and compulsively wrapping a box of neatness in a wrapping up contest at an obsessive compulsives' convention. He tells them to go home, but Naruto won't let it rest that there's something suspicious about the whole thing and even Neji agrees. When Harry comes to say farewell bearing a gift, Tenten shows that pairing her with Kakuzu isn't as off the wall as you'd think:
Then, due to bean-paste stuffed chicken wings, there is a true moment of beauty:
Naruto, wearer of orange, scorner of subtlety, literally sniffs the air and decides something smells fishy. The answer to this, of course, is to summon some frogs. While Gamakichi (that would be the Straight Talking Frog whose name I had to look up) comments on the changing social status of amphibians, Comedic Relief Frog (can't be arsed to look up two frogs in one night) paws at an obvious-once-you-look-at-it dangling string. Pulling the string leads to the revelation of a kite and looking at the tree shows more kites. Naruto, the boy fooled by fat!Lee, immediately realises that the Noroimusha must have used the kites to get around. Now, let us look at this picture:
Who would be fooled by this? No one. The excuse that the dark of night covers these kites is not even an excuse because it is just wrong. Shame on anyone connected with this plot: even the spouses of the animators, even the extended family of the builders of the studio next door to the one where this episode was realised. A curse on their children's children! Next, Comedic Relief Frog finds a nice patch of cool air to sit in and unwittingly unearths a secret passageway. Because whatScooby Doo Naruto episode is complete without one of those?
Harry goes for a friendly chat and biccy with Dumbledore, only to hear dramatic music because gah-
THE CEILING PEOPLE HAVE ARRIVED.
Harry realises that Dumbledore might not be a very nice man after all (there's a line near the end of The Philosopher's Stone that's never sat right with me). He's caught having overheard their secret meeting which was only protected by a thin wall of paper, and is chased and injured, leading him to fall in a river. From the bad men's point of view, there is nothing in the river. From Harry's point of view, he's breathing through a reed from a plant-less stream. So the moral here is: those who wear glasses are winners and gain some powers maybe.
Naruto, despite all of Jiraiya's protests to the contrary, finds perving on girls bathing is actually a crime. Ron has him thrown in jail – he has hair to dye black and nails to paint, he doesn't have time for this goddamnit. Once banged up, Naruto gets a visit from the Noroimusha!
!!
It simply pushes open the cell door and, for once, a convenient plot-point like this is ok because for Naruto, being an idiot = IC. Pat on the back there Dave, you keep using what you've been given. The Noroimusha jabs at him with a pointy stick for a while, until his straitjacket is ripped apart. He punches ghosty in the face and the mask falls off.
It isn't even the end of the ep. Unfortunately.
The ghost, like the plot, turns out to be an illusion. The Noroimusha is really...Ron.
!!
"That's not good," says Naruto, voicing the opinion of the viewer. Ron's living for revenge – oh there's that buzzword again, tune in folks, you never know, we might see a certain raven-haired emo kid. Except we won't. Ron can't let Naruto live knowing his boring secret, so he's sentenced to the death penalty. This is supposed to be a shock, but didn't he just, as in moments ago, try and kill him as the Noroimusha, so it's fair to say murder was already on his mind? Elsewhere, Neji's taken Tenten on a date to a graveyard and ruins the mood somewhat by saying he senses poison in the corpse of the previous daimyo. Ah those Hyuugas, so romantically challenged. Lots of guards appear and tell them that if they don't leave, they'll be charged as accomplices to Naruto's perving, despite neither of them being there at the time, Tenten being a girl and Neji being frigid. They then leave and the guards shoot arrows at them. You can't win with some people.
In the best ending ever, Kakashi appears and tells them to fuck off back to Konoha and let Naruto die.
[In a notebook of inspirational quotes and smiley faces in the margin, comes a poem from the pen of Lee:]
Konoha people are my friends,
I'll love them to the very end,
All my money on them I would spend,
For my Konoha people friends.
Neji and Tenten are on my team,
Being with them is like a dream,
They help teach me how to fight,
Bowl-cuts make them gasp with delight.
Naruto never gives up, oh no,
He is like a one-man show.
Sakura is the prettiest flower,
With her I'd like to spend an hour.
They miss Sasuke but that's ok,
Cos I know they'll get him back one day.
They've taught me to never give up,
And that orange isn't so bad once you get used to it but it's not as good as green.
Chouji and Kiba and Hinata and Ino,
Shikamaru and Shino,
They are also people.
But I haven't spoken to them much.
Of everyone in Konohagakure,
Gai-sensei is the best, hooray!
He's taught me lots of special things,
And also never to tell.
Team members: Naruto, Neji and Tenten
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 0!
Number of rasengans: 0!
Next week: 'Naruto's Death'. If this causes you any suspense at all, stop watching now. You are an idiot.
Worth watching for the lulz? Said ending makes me lol, maybe that's just my twisted sense of humour.
Why does the title of this ep sound like a porny badfic? Snape's been arrested and Dumbledore tries to wrap up the whole thing neater than an obsessive compulsive obsessively and compulsively wrapping a box of neatness in a wrapping up contest at an obsessive compulsives' convention. He tells them to go home, but Naruto won't let it rest that there's something suspicious about the whole thing and even Neji agrees. When Harry comes to say farewell bearing a gift, Tenten shows that pairing her with Kakuzu isn't as off the wall as you'd think:
Then, due to bean-paste stuffed chicken wings, there is a true moment of beauty:
Naruto, wearer of orange, scorner of subtlety, literally sniffs the air and decides something smells fishy. The answer to this, of course, is to summon some frogs. While Gamakichi (that would be the Straight Talking Frog whose name I had to look up) comments on the changing social status of amphibians, Comedic Relief Frog (can't be arsed to look up two frogs in one night) paws at an obvious-once-you-look-at-it dangling string. Pulling the string leads to the revelation of a kite and looking at the tree shows more kites. Naruto, the boy fooled by fat!Lee, immediately realises that the Noroimusha must have used the kites to get around. Now, let us look at this picture:
Who would be fooled by this? No one. The excuse that the dark of night covers these kites is not even an excuse because it is just wrong. Shame on anyone connected with this plot: even the spouses of the animators, even the extended family of the builders of the studio next door to the one where this episode was realised. A curse on their children's children! Next, Comedic Relief Frog finds a nice patch of cool air to sit in and unwittingly unearths a secret passageway. Because what
Harry goes for a friendly chat and biccy with Dumbledore, only to hear dramatic music because gah-
Harry realises that Dumbledore might not be a very nice man after all (there's a line near the end of The Philosopher's Stone that's never sat right with me). He's caught having overheard their secret meeting which was only protected by a thin wall of paper, and is chased and injured, leading him to fall in a river. From the bad men's point of view, there is nothing in the river. From Harry's point of view, he's breathing through a reed from a plant-less stream. So the moral here is: those who wear glasses are winners and gain some powers maybe.
Naruto, despite all of Jiraiya's protests to the contrary, finds perving on girls bathing is actually a crime. Ron has him thrown in jail – he has hair to dye black and nails to paint, he doesn't have time for this goddamnit. Once banged up, Naruto gets a visit from the Noroimusha!
!!
It simply pushes open the cell door and, for once, a convenient plot-point like this is ok because for Naruto, being an idiot = IC. Pat on the back there Dave, you keep using what you've been given. The Noroimusha jabs at him with a pointy stick for a while, until his straitjacket is ripped apart. He punches ghosty in the face and the mask falls off.
The ghost, like the plot, turns out to be an illusion. The Noroimusha is really...Ron.
!!
"That's not good," says Naruto, voicing the opinion of the viewer. Ron's living for revenge – oh there's that buzzword again, tune in folks, you never know, we might see a certain raven-haired emo kid. Except we won't. Ron can't let Naruto live knowing his boring secret, so he's sentenced to the death penalty. This is supposed to be a shock, but didn't he just, as in moments ago, try and kill him as the Noroimusha, so it's fair to say murder was already on his mind? Elsewhere, Neji's taken Tenten on a date to a graveyard and ruins the mood somewhat by saying he senses poison in the corpse of the previous daimyo. Ah those Hyuugas, so romantically challenged. Lots of guards appear and tell them that if they don't leave, they'll be charged as accomplices to Naruto's perving, despite neither of them being there at the time, Tenten being a girl and Neji being frigid. They then leave and the guards shoot arrows at them. You can't win with some people.
In the best ending ever, Kakashi appears and tells them to fuck off back to Konoha and let Naruto die.
[In a notebook of inspirational quotes and smiley faces in the margin, comes a poem from the pen of Lee:]
Konoha people are my friends,
I'll love them to the very end,
All my money on them I would spend,
For my Konoha people friends.
Neji and Tenten are on my team,
Being with them is like a dream,
They help teach me how to fight,
Bowl-cuts make them gasp with delight.
Naruto never gives up, oh no,
He is like a one-man show.
Sakura is the prettiest flower,
With her I'd like to spend an hour.
They miss Sasuke but that's ok,
Cos I know they'll get him back one day.
They've taught me to never give up,
And that orange isn't so bad once you get used to it but it's not as good as green.
Chouji and Kiba and Hinata and Ino,
Shikamaru and Shino,
They are also people.
But I haven't spoken to them much.
Of everyone in Konohagakure,
Gai-sensei is the best, hooray!
He's taught me lots of special things,
And also never to tell.
Team members: Naruto, Neji and Tenten
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 0!
Number of rasengans: 0!
Next week: 'Naruto's Death'. If this causes you any suspense at all, stop watching now. You are an idiot.
16 May 2010
163. Strategist Koumei’s Schemes!
Worth watching as a manga-standard episode? Less interesting than the first.
Worth watching for the lulz? Nope.
Naruto, who let's remember lives in squalor, has a lot of opinions about the lack of fancy in Dumbledore's house. The shock line no one ever thought he'd say:
is only about his surprise that an old guy who looks like he 'runs a dango shop' could be a daimyo's adviser. This, right here, is a waste of a shock line. Neji doesn't pause to lament this, but decides the Noroimusha is someone against the daimyo and Harry admits Snape has been acting suspicious. Which was exactly what was figured out last episode.
Neji wants to meet the daimyo to get the scoop, but a straightforward meet and greet is too much like the last scene. So everyone squats in some reeds. Two herons fly away, which is the universal symbol for a daimyo approaching. Ron parks himself and broods. Then some mallards swim past and that's the cue for a daimyo to stare at a pocket watch. Harry informs us he's lost in the memories of his sister, Hermione. Yeah, I'm making her Hermione so we've got the three main characters, that is just how I roll.
Look, Harry, mate, this isn't actually a friendship. When Ron asks you to get him a Mars Bar because he needs sugar, like now, and you point out he has a Twix, and he says "Yeah, but I'm not feeling a Twix; a Twix would make me violently sick. If you were really my friend, you'd know that!" and then he lobs the Twix at your head and says if you don't hurry he'll throw your parents in prison – that's the time to go and get a real friend. Then give up and go whine about it online. Get an LJ, for goodness' sake.
Neji turns on his murderous-intent-locating-byakugan – an upgrade Specsavers had a deal on the previous weekend – and spies some randomers trying to assassinate Ron. He knows they aren't important because they don't have original character designs. They clearly agree and don't believe messing with three twelve year olds was in the job description, as they run away at the suggestion of a fight. Honestly, ninja these days. Team Cool Guy, Comedic Relief and Token Girl save Ron, but he really likes being the chosen one for a change and says "Pffft friendship, being a daimyo is where it's at." Harry sadfaces, possibly remembering the good old Mars Bar days. Tenten gets a line where she can show off her weapons specialism, which she pounces on like Kiba on flea repellent. The shuriken the pathetic ninja used was from a garrison that Snape just happens to run. Wow it's like the clues are all being placed in a neat little line for our heroes to find.
The Ku Klux Klan updates their look and opts for a stylish purple.
Snape takes a walk that is so long the sun sets. Unfortunately the sun doesn't set on this episode and we still have half of it left. He approaches a storehouse with 'Pure' on the door (still getting KKK vibes here) and the ghost appears. Naruto barges in before anything interesting can happen. It turns into a fight, because that's how all Naruto characters work through their issues; this time Neji sees person inside the armour, yet hitting them directly with two exploding tags does nothing. Spooky thrill or evaporation of logic? YOU BE THE JUDGE. The Noroimusha uses the same kind of shuriken they saw earlier and they're keen to capture him for the answer to this godforsaken mystery. At least Snape has had the sense to leg it. Neji has Naruto use the move that got him during the chuunin exams, which is a nice reuse in my opinion, and then pokes him a lot. Naruto tries to unmask the ghost again, but out comes some purple smoke and green goo. A clue about our villain: they have no sense of complementary colours.
Training Day #3018
Notable successes: Speed creating hand signals has risen by approximately 2.05% since last week.
Failures to be eradicated: During taijutsu fighting, Gai-sensei had a gleam of hope in his eye when he thought he was going to land a blow on me, before I artfully dodged it and shot chakra into his liver.
Goals: Destroy his hope by next Tuesday.
Notes: Gai-sensei's acceptance of ridiculous missions is reaching critical mass. We were taken to a children's water park, where apparently some kind of demon was attacking swimmers. Lee's choice of clothing is unsuited to the wet, what with its tight and shiny structure, and the climate only accentuated these features. I scanned the pools and immediately disclosed there were no demons in the vicinity, yet Gai-sensei insisted we all get in and that it was necessary for him to swim about underwater. He got very excited and stated he'd found the demon, despite my correct assessment that the area was clear, and that it was under Lee. Lee immediately requested orders and was told to stay still while Gai-sensei soothed the beast. He then proceeded to stay underwater for an age. Tired of his antics, I chose to practice a particularly difficult and absorbed jutsu I have been perfecting, though he must have believed himself to be fighting something, what with all the thrashing. Lee was quite paralysed with fear. Eventually Gai-sensei resurfaced and announced I had been correct all along and that there was no demon. An afternoon wasted. When we returned to the training grounds, that female with brown hair was there again. I presume she is some kind of groundskeeper.
Team members: Naruto, Neji and Tenten
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 0! (though we do have a shuriken kage bunshin, you know, to liven things up a bit)
Number of rasengans: 0!
Next week: I'd like to say there'll be something new and refreshing in this arc but...
Worth watching for the lulz? Nope.
Naruto, who let's remember lives in squalor, has a lot of opinions about the lack of fancy in Dumbledore's house. The shock line no one ever thought he'd say:
is only about his surprise that an old guy who looks like he 'runs a dango shop' could be a daimyo's adviser. This, right here, is a waste of a shock line. Neji doesn't pause to lament this, but decides the Noroimusha is someone against the daimyo and Harry admits Snape has been acting suspicious. Which was exactly what was figured out last episode.
Neji wants to meet the daimyo to get the scoop, but a straightforward meet and greet is too much like the last scene. So everyone squats in some reeds. Two herons fly away, which is the universal symbol for a daimyo approaching. Ron parks himself and broods. Then some mallards swim past and that's the cue for a daimyo to stare at a pocket watch. Harry informs us he's lost in the memories of his sister, Hermione. Yeah, I'm making her Hermione so we've got the three main characters, that is just how I roll.
Neji turns on his murderous-intent-locating-byakugan – an upgrade Specsavers had a deal on the previous weekend – and spies some randomers trying to assassinate Ron. He knows they aren't important because they don't have original character designs. They clearly agree and don't believe messing with three twelve year olds was in the job description, as they run away at the suggestion of a fight. Honestly, ninja these days. Team Cool Guy, Comedic Relief and Token Girl save Ron, but he really likes being the chosen one for a change and says "Pffft friendship, being a daimyo is where it's at." Harry sadfaces, possibly remembering the good old Mars Bar days. Tenten gets a line where she can show off her weapons specialism, which she pounces on like Kiba on flea repellent. The shuriken the pathetic ninja used was from a garrison that Snape just happens to run. Wow it's like the clues are all being placed in a neat little line for our heroes to find.
Snape takes a walk that is so long the sun sets. Unfortunately the sun doesn't set on this episode and we still have half of it left. He approaches a storehouse with 'Pure' on the door (still getting KKK vibes here) and the ghost appears. Naruto barges in before anything interesting can happen. It turns into a fight, because that's how all Naruto characters work through their issues; this time Neji sees person inside the armour, yet hitting them directly with two exploding tags does nothing. Spooky thrill or evaporation of logic? YOU BE THE JUDGE. The Noroimusha uses the same kind of shuriken they saw earlier and they're keen to capture him for the answer to this godforsaken mystery. At least Snape has had the sense to leg it. Neji has Naruto use the move that got him during the chuunin exams, which is a nice reuse in my opinion, and then pokes him a lot. Naruto tries to unmask the ghost again, but out comes some purple smoke and green goo. A clue about our villain: they have no sense of complementary colours.
Training Day #3018
Notable successes: Speed creating hand signals has risen by approximately 2.05% since last week.
Failures to be eradicated: During taijutsu fighting, Gai-sensei had a gleam of hope in his eye when he thought he was going to land a blow on me, before I artfully dodged it and shot chakra into his liver.
Goals: Destroy his hope by next Tuesday.
Notes: Gai-sensei's acceptance of ridiculous missions is reaching critical mass. We were taken to a children's water park, where apparently some kind of demon was attacking swimmers. Lee's choice of clothing is unsuited to the wet, what with its tight and shiny structure, and the climate only accentuated these features. I scanned the pools and immediately disclosed there were no demons in the vicinity, yet Gai-sensei insisted we all get in and that it was necessary for him to swim about underwater. He got very excited and stated he'd found the demon, despite my correct assessment that the area was clear, and that it was under Lee. Lee immediately requested orders and was told to stay still while Gai-sensei soothed the beast. He then proceeded to stay underwater for an age. Tired of his antics, I chose to practice a particularly difficult and absorbed jutsu I have been perfecting, though he must have believed himself to be fighting something, what with all the thrashing. Lee was quite paralysed with fear. Eventually Gai-sensei resurfaced and announced I had been correct all along and that there was no demon. An afternoon wasted. When we returned to the training grounds, that female with brown hair was there again. I presume she is some kind of groundskeeper.
Team members: Naruto, Neji and Tenten
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 0! (though we do have a shuriken kage bunshin, you know, to liven things up a bit)
Number of rasengans: 0!
Next week: I'd like to say there'll be something new and refreshing in this arc but...
30 April 2010
162. The White Noroimusha
Worth watching as a manga-standard episode? There was something memorable about this arc, but I forget what it was.
Worth watching for the lulz? Neji and Tenten, while keeping things nice and sensible to a point, are the harbingers of anti-lulz.
Noroimusha means cursed warrior, or so I am told. I chose this title over the alternate translation 'A Slow, White Warrior' because it wasn't as terrifying as I'm sure you find the current one. Ambience, in a blog such as this, is key.
We begin with some good old fashioned, neighbourhood watch style curtain-twitching. A 'ghost' appears, strangely reminiscent of a guy who's run through a washing line and is wearing a mask he's stapled together.Lol foreshadowing. How cynical of me – it has to be a ghost as it disappeared when prodded. Because no one else in this series has the ability to do things like that.
Nope.
You don't stand A GHOST OF A CHANCE.
Elsewhere, Naruto puts his ninja abilities to good use as he pretends to be a booger. Maybe if Sasuke had partaken in these hilarious hijinks, he wouldn't have buggered off to emo over his murdered clan. So. When there's something strange in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call? Konoha apparently and the concerned citizen is none other than Harry Potter. (A crossover also saves me from learning any throwaway filler names.)
It seems Dave has been rereading book five and goes for a Harry with inner capslock rage, as he stabs himself in the stomach...only to remove a purse. His threat to cut his life into pieces as this is his last resort breaks Tsunade's barrier against missions of stupid, which she arguably never had to begin with. Harry is a Narutard and goes to Ichiraku Ramen (he knows his stuff) to fanboy Naruto. He produces the same non-creepy and non-stalkerish attitude a similar fanbrat would create, watching him eat and hiding in the shadows. Naruto is good to his fans though and takes on the mission, since he's already filled his pretending to be a booger quota for the day. Harry's best friend (logically this makes him Ron. Logically) was appointed as the new daimyo after his father and sister died, and he's glummer than when he was sicking up slugs. Somehow Harry and Ron's decaying friendship equates to Naruto and Sasuke's struggle, because mentioning Sasuke doubles the number of viewers.
Naruto, the little ninja with a big imagination.
That is supposed to be a black eye by the way. It is etched with fail. Naruto, Neji and Tenten set off on the mission to see what all this ghosting's about. They travel to the Bird Country, which we are told is far away. Then we are shown a map to prove it is far away. Then we have several hours of walking to show to get to this far away place you must do a lot of walking to get there. Of course this is not padding, it is essential to the plot. To break up the many frames of feet moving forward, Harry explains that the Noroimusha is rumoured to be Ron's father, searching for his murderer. Also, the daimyo's former strategisthas a motive had concerns over Ron becoming daimyo so young. Since it's crossover time, that makes him, I dunno, Snape. Dumbledore, a big advisor bloke, cast Snape's aspersions aside and put Ron in charge. Good old Neji and Tenten look at this realistically and comment that Dumbledore and Snape are suspicious. Harry protests that Dumbledore is a sweetie-pie, so Snape is getting the ol' evil eye from our heroes. Wow, just like in The Philosopher's Stone.
Heeeeeeere's Johnny!
But then Snape gets a nightly visit from the Noroimusha and Neji's byakugan reveals it has no living aura. Well then everyone must be innocent and ghosts must be real. Naruto tries to expose the ghost Scooby Doo style, which fails becausewe're not doing that crossover this week there was no one inside! WITH SHOCKS LIKE THESE WHO NEEDS DRUGS AMRITE KIDS.
Dear Diary,
Me again! Well as if it would be anyone else. Though Gai-sensei did try and sneak a peek at you once – the shuriken that flew out trimmed the edges of that crazy bowl-cut of his. There was a thin line of blood above each ear and Lee, upset and confused, tried to stab himself in the head with a kunai to match. Yet another day's training wasted due to a trip to the hospital. The doctors still say Lee should come off the five different kinds of steroids he's on, but if anyone brings it up it causes one of his fits, so we try to stay quiet.
Gai-sensei's coming over, I wonder what he wants now...
Urgh that is just so typical of him! He said we have a mission to infiltrate a whorehouse coming up and so we had to put on our undercover outfits and recite our lines again. God knows why – we've been preparing for this mission for months, I don't see why we can't just go and get it over with! There was no getting through to him though, so we took our places round Gai-sensei, who always plays the part of the customer. I served him sake (while trying to pull up my top when he wasn't looking) and Neji fanned him, generally looking bored. Lee, of course, announced he wanted to be the best whore ever to make Gai-sensei proud of him, so he was wearing next to nothing. I didn't know where to look. We entertained him for a while and then Neji requested he go home so he could train with his uncle. I'm so jealous, it must be great knowing if you have family or not. Gai-sensei said we could finish there, but that he wanted a word with Lee. Lee said he'd change back into his normal training gear, but Gai-sensei said it was urgent. Not urgent enough to tell me I notice! I always get left out. Anyway, I'm off to wander the streets for the night since I don't know if I have a home to go back to.
Oh and Neji said two words to me today ("good" and "morning") bringing the total up to nineteen!
~*Tenten*~
Team members: Naruto, Neji and Tenten
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 1
Number of rasengans: 0!
Next week: More things go bump in the night than a harem of Tonbos trying to find a light-switch, and it's just as pointless.
Worth watching for the lulz? Neji and Tenten, while keeping things nice and sensible to a point, are the harbingers of anti-lulz.
Noroimusha means cursed warrior, or so I am told. I chose this title over the alternate translation 'A Slow, White Warrior' because it wasn't as terrifying as I'm sure you find the current one. Ambience, in a blog such as this, is key.
We begin with some good old fashioned, neighbourhood watch style curtain-twitching. A 'ghost' appears, strangely reminiscent of a guy who's run through a washing line and is wearing a mask he's stapled together.
Nope.
Elsewhere, Naruto puts his ninja abilities to good use as he pretends to be a booger. Maybe if Sasuke had partaken in these hilarious hijinks, he wouldn't have buggered off to emo over his murdered clan. So. When there's something strange in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call? Konoha apparently and the concerned citizen is none other than Harry Potter. (A crossover also saves me from learning any throwaway filler names.)
It seems Dave has been rereading book five and goes for a Harry with inner capslock rage, as he stabs himself in the stomach...only to remove a purse. His threat to cut his life into pieces as this is his last resort breaks Tsunade's barrier against missions of stupid, which she arguably never had to begin with. Harry is a Narutard and goes to Ichiraku Ramen (he knows his stuff) to fanboy Naruto. He produces the same non-creepy and non-stalkerish attitude a similar fanbrat would create, watching him eat and hiding in the shadows. Naruto is good to his fans though and takes on the mission, since he's already filled his pretending to be a booger quota for the day. Harry's best friend (logically this makes him Ron. Logically) was appointed as the new daimyo after his father and sister died, and he's glummer than when he was sicking up slugs. Somehow Harry and Ron's decaying friendship equates to Naruto and Sasuke's struggle, because mentioning Sasuke doubles the number of viewers.
That is supposed to be a black eye by the way. It is etched with fail. Naruto, Neji and Tenten set off on the mission to see what all this ghosting's about. They travel to the Bird Country, which we are told is far away. Then we are shown a map to prove it is far away. Then we have several hours of walking to show to get to this far away place you must do a lot of walking to get there. Of course this is not padding, it is essential to the plot. To break up the many frames of feet moving forward, Harry explains that the Noroimusha is rumoured to be Ron's father, searching for his murderer. Also, the daimyo's former strategist
But then Snape gets a nightly visit from the Noroimusha and Neji's byakugan reveals it has no living aura. Well then everyone must be innocent and ghosts must be real. Naruto tries to expose the ghost Scooby Doo style, which fails because
Dear Diary,
Me again! Well as if it would be anyone else. Though Gai-sensei did try and sneak a peek at you once – the shuriken that flew out trimmed the edges of that crazy bowl-cut of his. There was a thin line of blood above each ear and Lee, upset and confused, tried to stab himself in the head with a kunai to match. Yet another day's training wasted due to a trip to the hospital. The doctors still say Lee should come off the five different kinds of steroids he's on, but if anyone brings it up it causes one of his fits, so we try to stay quiet.
Gai-sensei's coming over, I wonder what he wants now...
Urgh that is just so typical of him! He said we have a mission to infiltrate a whorehouse coming up and so we had to put on our undercover outfits and recite our lines again. God knows why – we've been preparing for this mission for months, I don't see why we can't just go and get it over with! There was no getting through to him though, so we took our places round Gai-sensei, who always plays the part of the customer. I served him sake (while trying to pull up my top when he wasn't looking) and Neji fanned him, generally looking bored. Lee, of course, announced he wanted to be the best whore ever to make Gai-sensei proud of him, so he was wearing next to nothing. I didn't know where to look. We entertained him for a while and then Neji requested he go home so he could train with his uncle. I'm so jealous, it must be great knowing if you have family or not. Gai-sensei said we could finish there, but that he wanted a word with Lee. Lee said he'd change back into his normal training gear, but Gai-sensei said it was urgent. Not urgent enough to tell me I notice! I always get left out. Anyway, I'm off to wander the streets for the night since I don't know if I have a home to go back to.
Oh and Neji said two words to me today ("good" and "morning") bringing the total up to nineteen!
~*Tenten*~
Team members: Naruto, Neji and Tenten
Number of kage bunshin no jutsus: 1
Number of rasengans: 0!
Next week: More things go bump in the night than a harem of Tonbos trying to find a light-switch, and it's just as pointless.
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